The Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Bikini Challenge

It’s no secret that new mommies come with new curves. But somehow it never is anything but shocking when it happens to you. One morning a few days after giving birth you wake up and you look like you could be a B-list porn star.

It’s totally weird–and a bit painful–at first. My body had totally outgrown my expectations; one day I found myself standing in front of the nursing bra selection at Target hardly believing that I could actually be searching for a D cup. (Incidentally, a 34D might be the hardest size to find on a rack. I’m not sure if its because its a popular size or a freak size, but I’ve been in four Targets and found only two bras in that flavor.) I couldn’t believe I’d reached that far into the alphabet.

But then things sort of feel like they’re under control. There’s no pain and no tightness or fullness. I was once again comfortable in my own skin–so comfortable in fact that I sort of assumed I had shrunk a half a cup size or so.

All I needed to remind me that I was dead wrong was to try on a bathing suit.

But I was feeling good enough, or rather the weather was just hot enough–it was nearing 90 degrees over the holiday weekend–that I thought maybe I’d expose my pale flab-flesh to the sun in the name of cooling off.

Well, if I thought my nursing boobs were big, trying on bikini tops confirmed they were giant. Now, I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but in this case the more that I had wasn’t exactly better. I tried on one top after another–I had five bathing suits on hand and then I tried one of my sister’s–only to get more and more disappointed.

If I wasn’t falling out the top, I was hanging out the bottom. Bandeau tops looked like a strip of electrical tape across my chest. Triangle tops screamed bad boob job. V-necklines were a little too plunging. There was no way I was going out in public wearing any of that; it would be horrifying to children and small animals.

I needed a solution or I was going to miss out on one of the best boating weekends of the summer.

I had a sports bra in hand as my last best option–the big, thick tan lines that I’d undoubtedly end up were not exactly appealing but neither was the possibility of being ticketed for indecent exposure–when I had an idea. Maybe one of my nursing tank tops might be able to do double duty. After all, it was hot pink and matched a set of bathing suit bottoms that I seemed to still be able to wear. So, it was settled. Nursing tank meet bathing suit and voila! I had a tankini.

Most people would probably tell me to just enjoy my new-found–and hard to miss–curves. I mean, from padded push-ups to surgical enhancement, lots of women shell out beaucoup bucks to end up with this kind of rack. But it’s hard to feel like me when I feel like I’ve got twins on a trampoline on my chest.  I guess the whole swimsuit session was a reminder that even though I’m feeling pretty back to normal, my body’s still got a mind of its own.

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5 Comments

Filed under breastfeeding, daily life, mommy care, moms, nursing, post-partum, post-pregnancy

5 responses to “The Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Bikini Challenge

  1. Sandi

    It’s funny that you should mention your likeness to a porn star. I remember one time when we had gone out and I was late feeding Michael and Shawn. When I got home and looked in the mirror, I remember remarking at the time that I now knew where those girls came from. They were nursing mothers who just waited to feed their babies! It was a very painful, however natural look!

  2. Sarah

    OLD NAVY! You will find an excellent selection of mix and match tops and bottoms, a la carte, so you can find the size (and style) that works best for you… and not pay a fortune. I was there yesterday looking for a tankini for upcoming swim classes with Benjamin… no luck… but plenty of cute bikinis… which wouldn’t quite work for swim class, or my current figure. It might take some time to find the right trampoline for your twins, but hey, at least you only have to worry about big boobs… not big tummy, thighs, butt, etc, etc, etc. Speaking of which, back to my workout! 😉

    • Yes, it’s amazing how much becoming a mommy can totally change your “look.” I ended up finding a cute yellow polka dot bikini (no joke) at Target the other day. I’m still not totally comfortable in my new shape–especially since it’s noticeable enough to become a topic of conversation at a family barbecue yesterday–but at least I have something acceptable to wear so I can at least get some sun.

  3. Zach

    This is hilarious. It sounds like a thought process my wife has gone through…twice. The fact that you are willing to throw it out there is what makes your blog so much fun to read. 🙂 Thanks for the laugh!

    • Thanks, Zach. I figured if I was going to bother spending the time writing this thing, I may as well just put it all out there. It’s a little scary sometimes–I totally have a little voice screaming, “TMI! TMI!” from time to time–but it’s amazing to get the feedback. For as much as you might feel alone in all this, usually there are people reading who have totally been there, done that and have some great ideas, suggestions, and solutions.

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