Today, baby turned 10 months. (Well, technically, yesterday because it’s past midnight as I’m writing this.) We’re closing in on a year quickly, and it’s happening almost too quickly in some ways. Because as much as it’s amazing and fun to watch babies grow up, I’m finding it a little bit sad, too. They just change so quickly at this stage that you feel like you missed it even if you’ve been paying attention all along the way.
Take, for example, the past 10 days. Ten days ago, baby and I were en vacances in Chamonix, France. He was trying to crawl, but if I were to convert his skill to ski slopes, he would’ve been on a green circle rather than a black diamond. I mean, he was sort of getting places, but he didn’t really have much control or direction as to where he was going.
But a week and a half later and it’s a totally different story. He’s crawling–and he’s standing. That’s right; he’s pulling himself up on everything and even daring to let go with one hand–and occasionally two, if only for a couple seconds. Check it out:
(As an aside, here’s a thank you to Linkin Park for writing “Crawling.” Although it’s a little intense for all things baby related, it couldn’t be more appropriately named for just such things.)
I’m not going to lie. I watch this video and a little tear or two escapes. I wish I still had hormones to blame it on, but for tonight, I’ll blame the waterworks on the couple of glasses of box o’wine that I’ve had while waiting for these videos to upload.
But there is something really sad in watching a wee one become less “wee.” Part of it for me is that it happened so fast. In a week and a half, my baby went from scooting on his bum a few inches at a time to standing (much less bouncing) in his crib.
Another part is knowing that I’m a little bit alone in watching this change, which feels so big in this little life. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love where we live and how we live, but it’s a a fact that we don’t have any family close to share some of this excitement. Not to mention that daddy is often tied up with military stuff. (I’m sure watching this video makes him sadder in some ways than I can possibly know.) So, sometimes it seems as though these big developmental moments are almost happening in a vacuum.
It’s funny how for all these tinges of sadness, I can still be totally proud of how baby is growing. With every developmental milestone, he’s closer to the man he’ll eventually be. And I so long to know that person. Sometimes I watch him and I see a spark of something–curiosity, intellect, humor, drive, sensitivity, what-have-you–but it’s hard to call it a defining characteristic at this point. And I wonder how his experiences will change–for better or worse–those characteristics.
But for now I’m going to just be happy that he’s not moving fast enough that I can’t catch him. Which will give me the tiniest bit of time to finish baby proofing.